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OHIO PRIDE
that's what im sayin
so i agreed to watch the parade, to be a buckeye and to be proud about it, cuz im kinda proud about things i guess. after sifting through sean the friend's closet, something chock full of mesh things, purple vinyl-like things and madonna concert Ts, i scored with a 'virginia is for lovers' shirt. it was tight too, something sean the friend says gay boys #love#. i wore that around for awhile until we ran into this 'jail bait' type who let me borrow his black marker so i could deface sean the friend's Virginia T. the bait-boy (see below) had written jail bate on the back of his shirt. i was confused. sean the friend said boys of his age are also called 'twinks' as in twinkies i think, and that they are sometimes illegal. i was still confused, but since i was working on my ohio-pride i just shook my head like i understood his homo-jive. with the lil black marker the bait-boy gave me, i scratched out 'lovers' on the T and wrote in 'suckers!' real dark like i meant it. on the back i wrote, 'ohio is for cool kids, yos'
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im kinda gettin ahead of myself though. before we left for the bus stop where the bus would wisk us away to the big gay parade, a couple of sean the friend's friends came over (see left, next to the twink). they're nice guys, pete and tore (look how gay sean the friend looks in the middle. it was his people's day so i encouraged the release of gayness you're witnessing).the bus came, a short bus full of gays on their way to gay things. when i saw a short bus full of gays i said, 'i knew all you homos were retarded' then i felt real bad just after that cuz i think i hurt sean the friend's friends feelings and i didnt mean nuthin by it. i was just play acting, shits and giggles is all |
when we got to the parade some hippy boys approached me like they'd seen me in the haight before and offered me a brownie they said was magical. they were real proud about them so i figured it was all good. i liked how we were all proud about real different stuff. after the chocolate and bout 5 margaritas we were feeling real proud. sal all good, yos, i kept saying and everyone seemed to understand real well, like it really was all good.
those aren't the hippy boys to your right, it's the scientist from new mexico and rob from iowa. the scientist wore a belle and sebastian shirt. he said it was the faggiest non-faggy thing he could find. and i beleive it. rob worked at a beer booth so he could drink for free all day. hes a cheap homo.
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if youve ever been around homos for long you learn a thing or two. one is that they like to take off their tight Ts under any and all circumstance. with a little brownie and a lot of man-heat about, sean started disrobing with the quickness. his butt crack kept falling out like there was a party it was late for. at one point i gathered a crowd behinf sean the friend so we could point and giggle at the crack, then i stuck my finger down it a little just to tease sean the friend with a lil mini-poke. he thought i was totally retarded. |
when i was just a boy growing up in rural ohio i would sometimes play hooky so i could stay home and watch Sally or Donahue of Geraldo to catch a glimpse of the city folk. This was before sally dealt with 'out of control' and 'outrageous' teen issues exclusively. anyway, there was this one episode on Geraldo called Club Kids '93 (cuz that's when i graduated yos!) and some of them club kids looked like a lot of the gays (see right) i saw yesterday. all gaudy and clown-like (although i saw zero clowns at the parade). i remember one of them club boys was from ohio and he was the sassiest of the bunch, dressed like a big banana i think. he grabbed geraldo's mike like he knew what was up and said, i got the fever for the flavahhh and its not a pringllleeess. he was queeney as they say, but proud you know, and from ohio. sall about some ohio pride, sal good, that's what im saying yos
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Fag Eyes
this is something not new i wrote about the ol F-E. we like old things in ohio, so its still around. but since i know less about computer-type things than people think it will just sit here for awhile. if some computer type knows how i can make it one of them linky links to somewhere else, that would be cool
guys love looking into each others eyes and saying things a predictable as, you're eyes are beautiful, but do they ever look into each other's eyes to say, you have fag eyes. if no one's ever said that then there are some real liars out there. and let me tell you, i am from ohio and we do not lie. when riding home from my computery job on the N Judah today i noticed a sizeable increase in the number of fag eyes that surrounded me, and there's usually a lot. then i remembered how it's pride week and all. if i had fag eyes i dont think id be too proud about it. sean the friend, my resident expert on all things homo, tells me that the homos are in town from such far away places as fresno (see above) and other hell-like locals to take off their clothes and look intently at each other with their beady beady fag like eyes. pride week peaks with a pride-type parade this weekend, and surely lotsa homos will be dustin off their fag eyes like it were prom or something. misty fag eyes will be dreaming of their fag eyed future where they can tell their future friends that they met their fag eyed mate at pride parade 2000. now, isnt that just inherently retarded? id be embarassed to tell my future friends that i met my sweetie at #any# parade, unless he was a clown or a T-ball coach, but i digress.
so, what really are fag eyes? i wasnt sure either, being from ohio and all, so i consulted sean the friend and we came up with a short list. you should print out the list and carry it in your back pocket if you plan on attending any pride like events this or any other weekend.
- beady beady beady eyes like a chipmunk on speed, lookin for a nut on the first day of winter. this is in close connection with
- the scanning of the room/bar/parade/N Judah train so as to size up his fag-eyed trick potential and/or competition
- the extra wide, seemingly hyper attentive eyes (usually wet and gross) this could just be someone listening to your thoughts on fag eyes, but coupled with either 1 or 2, its the old F-E.
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