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san francisco
san francisco is one of the most coveted places on earth, like ohio, and i live there. isnt that weird? the lil red text in the picture below, the text you probably can't read, says 'i live here', which i do. weird huh? the likes of hunter s thomspson, kenneth anger, anton levey, and a whole slew up hippy types from the summer of love have lived within a few blocks of my dirty dirty bed. that's cool and all, but did you know that the singular brilliance of jim j bullock is 'round here as well? from recent years people will recall jim from his jim jay and tammy faye days, but my heart belongs in san francisco and in TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT.
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Too Close For Comfort
as you all know, im from ohio and in ohio we do not lie, so i must confess that i think JJB is really living somewhere in LA where i think he's doing community theater or something. but more curious is the lack of info on the web for this #fabulous# slice of eighties americana. Too Close For Comfort (along with Three's Company) is totally like the blueprint to my heterosexual lifestyle. Monroe is a man's man, if you know what i mean and to see him ostracized from the dubya dubya dubya is totally retarded. it's like JJ no longer exists. oh, Monroe...sigh.
people say i live a life of lies, but in ohio we do not lie. i can not stress this enough. i just like mystery, smoke and mirrors if you will, the kind of stuff monroe toyed with on TCFC. sean the friend insists that mystery makes me a more interesting catch. im not sure how much i trust sean the friend on matters non-homo, but i do know it worked for JJB and that's proof enough for me.
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06/28/00
Glamour Pussies Just when i thought all the ladies had abandoned sodom by the bay in favor of less homo-like places, i come across the Glamour Pussies. cable access was pretty cool in ohio, but its got nuthin on the Glamour Pussies. its a rare day that i put somethig over on ohio and ohio-type places, so listen up. every other monday at 11pm on that access chanel (29), which ill admit is #totally# retarded on most occasions, the ladies get dirty and talk shit. i mean that both literally and figuratively. last week was a rerun, but a good one that focused on scat (poop yos)! while demanding shit stories from all the quivering barry white types who called incesantly ("ladies, i wannnna rub you dowwwn alllllllll over and eat that poooop outta your butttts") cheap cable access signs flashed upon the screen: We Are Not Hookers, Do We Look Like Dikes? and some other ones i cant remember. the ladies love to be loved and who can blame them. after divulging their dirty fantasies the barry whites predictably ask the ladies to bend over and show their butts and their big mamma bellies. the queen bee is not bashful. because this is dirty and gross i asked sean the friend what he thought about scat since homos like butts and butt-like-products. surprisingly, sean the friend said that most homo-types (himself included) are not down with poop. huh.
a few weeks ago while sipping a lemonade vodka in the comfort of my dirty dirty bedroom i called the show and actually got through yos! even though it was a lame-o special edition with boring guest stars i was stoked to hear myself on the tv. the episode was about shaving dudes, which is pretty homo, but im a fan. i guess its really more about pussy power as their website suggests, it was a lady doing the shave after all. before they answered my call, there was a sign that popped up: We Shave Balls, and i thought that was real funny because i have some friends in ohio who are real proud about that too. so i called and got through. i was tickled pink by my pink lemonade and vodka but a little pee shy when they asked me to talk. now, im hardly a homo, im from ohio, but the first thing that came out of my mouth was, "why aren't you shaving his balls!" i was real mad, indignant like i was being jipped or something. she said something about balls being stinky which made me even more mad. false advertising, i said, before demanding to see some ball shaving. i think she got scared because she hung up on me. what's worse is the next caller said i was #totally# homo. folks, i am not a homo, i am from ohio. his slanderous remark set my lemonade into a tailspin that ended up all over my non-homo pants. in my dirty dirty room were non-ohio-types who just just laughed and laughed like it was real funny or something. i think they're a bunch of jerks
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